"Don't tell me it's not worth trying for

You can't tell me it's not worth dying for

You know it's true (you know it's true)

Everything I do, I do it for you

Yeah, yeah"

We all probably remember Brayan Adam's theme song from the movie Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, with a fantastic Kevin Costner performance. This entry will not be about the movie – but please watch it if you did not – it is much fun.

Every time I hear this song, I return to one conversation I had with my dad when I was a small girl. There were some troubles with my grades or house chores, and my dad decided to give me a talk.

He said: "You do not understand, Edyta. Everything you do is for you, including your grades, how clean your room is, and how much you read. Maybe you think it is for me or your mother – but it is not. We care, but it is not like we will benefit from your actions. The only person who will benefit from it is you".

This stopped me in my tracks because it was the undeniable truth, and because I loved my dad so much, I took everything he said as gospel.

I thought, how is that possible? Well, if I have good grades, it would be easier for me to get into a good school; if I cleaned my room, it would be easier to find the stuff I need for school, and so on.

Since then, whenever I do not want to do something or feel that things are meaningless, I return to my dad's talk.

Let's say your job is bringing you down. It is tedious, all the procedures are backward, colleagues are weird, and you hate your workspace. You might be stuck in the narrative that someone is taking your time from you and you are doing things for someone else.

How different would it be if you thought they were paying you for things you do for yourself? They pay you for gaining experience, improving your communication skills, researching the procedures that need to be improved, and practising your patience, resilience, and faith.

I know what I am saying; I have practised it for years in various workplaces where organisation, management and tasks could have been better. Nevertheless, I learned something from each of them.

When we think about sacrifice, we may think we can do genuinely altruistic deeds, but there is no such thing in practical terms. Even when we sacrifice, we do it to prevent experiencing the alternative reality in which a person we love will suffer.

Everything you do, you do for yourself. It's natural law – no point in feeling guilty about it.

Exercise. If you wish to explore it more, please answer these questions:

1.      What is the one activity you hate doing right now that you consider as something you do only for others?

2.      What are the things you feel dread about?

3.      Find five beneficial results for you when doing this activity.

Example:

Booking my husband's medical appointments will improve my husband's health, allow him to live longer, allow us to travel when we are old, allow him to do more things around the house, and make me happier.