In this entry:
- What are boundaries?
- What type of boundaries do we have?
- How does the intrinsic type of boundaries we possess influence our personality?
- How considering boundaries might explain your poor mental health?
Why does chicken cross the road?
Anyone can be disappointed in their personal and work relationships, health, money, or the energy they have left at the end of the day. They often cannot understand why they cannot reach their full, happy potential.
It's not a simple matter of one factor that would explain anyone’s issues. The complexity of personal and work-related problems is often overlooked, but it's crucial to recognise that they are multifaceted and require a deeper understanding. This understanding can empower us to navigate these issues more effectively.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get on the other side? It just cannot be so easy. People suffer from childhood trauma, chemical imbalance, learned behaviours, and social and economic oppressive contexts.
I cannot say that all your problems lie in the way you set and maintain boundaries.
Or can I? If the problems' ontology is multilayered, it does not mean the cure cannot be singular. So, the question is not why but how the chicken crosses the road and how it can do it better the next time.
Boundaries. What are they?
Let me propose a definition: boundaries are the distance you allow others to be around your authentic core. There are people we keep far away from our authentic selves and those with unlimited access.
People often confuse who should be close to them, how close others should be, and, in general, where the boundaries are.
From a scientific point of view, the most fundamental boundary is generated by your body.
Humour me and do a little experiment. Try to say one thing, like “I had a good day” while standing 5 m from a person and then standing 5 cm away from them. Feels different?
How do you feel when someone takes your blood, stands next to you on a train, or sits next to you in a coffee shop?
Edward T Hall, the cultural anthropologist, researched the use of space as a specialised elaboration of culture. In his foundational work on proxemics, The Hidden Dimension, Hall emphasised the impact of space on interpersonal communication. Hall proved that cultures organise and use space differently (houses, offices, public spaces). But this might sometimes be difficult when your personal boundaries differ from the cultural ones.
What if you do not like people in your space while living in a culture that exposes you to people who persistently want to come closer? What about parents who, culturally, want to be closer and a child who cannot stand it? There are many interesting implications.
Thick and thin.
The other type of boundaries, psychological ones, could be divided into thin and thick. Ernest Hartmann created the idea of thick and thin boundaries as an indicator of personality traits in people.
If you have thick boundaries, you might be keen to separate different areas of your life, such as work and personal lives. For example, you would not mix the friends from work and those you meet outside the professional context. You would often not have close friends at work since work is further away from your authentic self. You would also see the world in more black-and-white terms and would not be interested in new evidence or ideas coming your way.
On the other hand, if you have thin boundaries, you might find that different areas of your life overlap more; for example, it is not a problem to have a family business and marry your boss. You could be more likely to enjoy trying new things, feel emotions deeply, and be open to new ideas to change your mind and the world's point of view regularly.
Considering physical and psychological boundaries, we might predict what can go wrong for a person.:
1. A person might not understand their physical or psychological boundaries.
2. A person might not know how to set and keep boundaries in a socially acceptable way.
3. A person might struggle with what they know is correct and what their culture or social group tells them is good for them.
4. A person might not be able to recognise what people should be close to and who should be distanced.
... and a little bit of fun:)
Do you have thick or thin boundaries? Answer the questions:
1. When I read something, do you get so involved that it can be challenging to return to reality?
2. Do you think there are no sharp dividing lines between ordinary people, people with problems, and people who are considered psychotic or crazy?
3. Do you like houses with flexible spaces that allow you to move things around and use the same rooms for different purposes?
4. Is success largely a matter of good organisation and keeping good records?