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Red or Blue?

Living under prolonged stress, our nervous system forces us to react defensively to everyday challenges. Instead of the cycle of being stressed and then relaxing, we experience inflexible reactivity. We tend to respond in the same dysfunctional way. But why?

Inflexible reactivity is persistent, heading straight into intense stress reactivity, no matter the situation.

 

How the nervous system positions itself depends on three factors:

Genetics

Childhood trauma/ childhood conditioning

Present environment and lifestyle.

 

Firstly, highly sensitive people might be that way due to millions of years of evolution.

Evolution favoured individuals who were cautious and constantly scanned for danger—so they were not some animal dinner and could pass on their genetic material.

Secondly, during childhood, some people might experience high levels of stress, which wired the nervous system to scan for danger constantly and then respond to minor triggers as if there were tigers in a room ready to attack.

In psychology, we call it having a narrow window of tolerance and very high vagal nerve tone.

For example, most people who visit a new restaurant rate their stress level as low. For those with a narrow tolerance window, this experience might trigger very high-stress levels due to the unpredictability of the place, menu, etc.

Finally, our environment might trigger our responses by being overly stimulating and dangerous.

The reality of a new job, having a small child, separation from the spouse, and challenging work responsibilities might put us into a very narrow window of tolerance.

 

 

When your body (and the lizard brain responsible for survival) register safety, the nervous system is encouraged to run like a perfect factory. Your chest will likely feel relaxed and open. Breathing is easy, and breaths are full. The digestive system happily does its job: digesting, extracting nutrients, and comfortably eliminating. Eyes function well and accurately see the soundings, the mouth is comfortably moist, and the food tastes good. Body temperature is even and comfortable, and muscles are relaxed when adjusting appropriately to the current environment.

 

When the nervous system registers a threat, we can enter two modes of defence: hyperactivation and hypoactivation. I call these zones red for hyperactivation and blue for hypoactivation.

Red zone: your body tries to shoot down all unnecessary systems that are not vital for survival, like digestion, reproduction, biological immunity, etc.

All the blood is pumped away from the major organs to the muscles. There is much adrenaline produced and secreted into the bloodstream. Your blood pressure is rising. Because the heart wants to pump blood faster to give you more energy, you might feel heart palpitation; your breath will become short and shallow. Since blood is away from the digestive system and all enzymes are stopped, you might feel a dry mouth and an upset stomach, diarrhoea or constipation. The brain drowns in adrenaline, so thoughts become very fast and frantic. You are unable to focus, use logic, remember and learn.

In about two minutes, you are transformed into a lean, mean fighting machine. You feel angry, powerful and entirely out of control.

 

 

Blue zone: it might happened due to two instances. Firstly, you might be in the red zone for too long, and your body will suddenly freeze, dissociate, and collapse.

Secondly, it might be your natural defence mechanism learned from the past. Your nervous system knows that stress is always so overwhelming that fighting or running away is futile.

Your nervous system wants to freeze and collapse.

In the blue zone, you breathe too slowly or infrequently. You are cold and not producing enough body heat, your muscles feel tired and slackened, and energy is nowhere to be found. You cannot find any motivating thoughts—your mind feels empty and numb. You might feel out of your body, just floating above. The appetite is gone, and nothing tastes like it used to. You would like to go to bed and hide, but when you do, the feelings of guilt and shame are overwhelming.

The first step is to recognise your current state and use the right tools to regulate your nervous system.

 

What zone are you in now?

Red zoneBlue zone
SpeedyFeeling slow
AggressivePassive
RestlessAvoiding responsibilities
Quick-fire problem solvingUnable to focus
Hyperfocused but also distracted by incoming ideasProblems with memory and attention
SweatingFeeling cold
HyperventilationLack of appetite
Tight chestMuscle pains
A lot of energy in arms and backLack of motivation
Racing thoughtsNumbness
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You’ve got to know yourself: how to know where your boundaries are.

In this entry:

You will get practical advice on discovering where your boundaries are.

To set comfortable boundaries, one has to look inside and consider needs and values.

This is challenging because sometimes we are far from our authentic selves.

It may be challenging to say that you do not want to travel because you may not know that you would like to spend more time at home.

You feel incredibly anxious about buying a new car but constantly consider investing in stock.

Again, do not comment on your partner changing plans at the last minute because being spontaneous is very important for them when being predictable is very important to you.

Well, how do you know what your needs are?

To make it easier, I use my favourite way: posing questions.

When working with clients, I divide their needs and values into four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual, and social.

When it comes to physical needs, the questions you would find helpful are:

  • How much exercise do you need?
  • What do you like to eat?
  • When do you like to eat?
  • What are your needs connected to touch and sex?
  • How much sleep do you need?
  • How do you like to rest? Do you have enough rest?
  • Do you need your private space at home or in the office?
  • How do you understand your property? Are you ok with others using or borrowing your property?
  • What is the most comfortable distance that people should keep with you?
  • Is there anything your partner/loved one does to your body that you do not like?
  • Is there anything health professionals do to your body that you do not like?

When it comes to emotional needs, the questions you would find helpful are:

  • What is the standard set of emotions that you feel?
  • Who are you depending on in your life regarding emotional support?
  • What emotions do you feel comfortable sharing?
  • How do you feel when someone asks you questions about your feelings?
  • Do you feel understood on an emotional level?
  • How would you like people to respond to you when you are sad, angry, or anxious?
  • Are you giving someone emotional support when you do not feel like it?
  • How do you like to feel daily?
  • Is there something in your environment that irritates or unsettles you?
  • What is a comfortable way to express your emotions?
  • Is there anyone who expects you to be in any particular mood?
  • Do you expect that you will be in any specific mood?
  • How do you deal with difficult emotions?

When it comes to intellectual needs, the questions you would find helpful are:

  • How much intellectual stimulation do you need? Are you getting enough intellectual stimulation?
  • What are your interests?
  • Do you have someone to talk about your interests?
  • What activities do you involve yourself in to get intellectually stimulated?
  • Do you like to discuss various subjects with people, or would you rather not?
  • What subjects are off the limits?
  • Is it essential to share your intellectual activities with a loved one?

 

When it comes to social needs, the questions you would find helpful are:
How much social time do you need?
Do you like socialising in small or big groups?
What is the interval of time you are comfortable staying at social events?
What environment is the best for you to have social gatherings?
Would you like to have more friends?
How do you know that a social event is not for you and that you must leave?
How do you deal with people who are intrusive or you do not want to talk to?
How do you feel when leaving the event before everyone else?

Edyta Johnston is a fully qualified therapeutic counsellor registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). She works with diverse issues and specialises in working with neurodiverse clients.
For free of charge consultation, please call:
07930826923

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Boundaries: how does the chicken cross the road?

In this entry:

  • What are boundaries?
  • What type of boundaries do we have?
  • How does the intrinsic type of boundaries we possess influence our personality?
  • How considering boundaries might explain your poor mental health?

Why does chicken cross the road?

Anyone can be disappointed in their personal and work relationships, health, money, or the energy they have left at the end of the day. They often cannot understand why they cannot reach their full, happy potential.

It’s not a simple matter of one factor that would explain anyone’s issues. The complexity of personal and work-related problems is often overlooked, but it’s crucial to recognise that they are multifaceted and require a deeper understanding. This understanding can empower us to navigate these issues more effectively.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get on the other side? It just cannot be so easy. People suffer from childhood trauma, chemical imbalance, learned behaviours, and social and economic oppressive contexts.

I cannot say that all your problems lie in the way you set and maintain boundaries.

Or can I? If the problems’ ontology is multilayered, it does not mean the cure cannot be singular. So, the question is not why but how the chicken crosses the road and how it can do it better the next time.

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What did Amber say and what did you hear?

The Netflix documentary reminded me of how I felt watching the Deep vs. Heard trial today.

I was highly uncomfortable.

I was not shocked by the evidence – that I was disgusted by – but by the public response to Amber Heard.

Unfortunately, it often mirrors the way the public sees domestic violence in general.

And if you ever have had some unkind thoughts about someone who claimed they were abused, read on since you might be swung by unconscious bias.

The way the public, or even close family, sometimes sees domestic violence is summarised in Mr Rottenborn, Amber Heard’s lawyer closing statement:

“If you didn’t take pictures, it didn’t happen. If you did take pictures, they’re fake.

If you didn’t tell your friends, you’re lying. And if you did tell your friends, they’re part of the hoax.

If you didn’t seek medical treatment, you weren’t injured. If you did seek medical treatment, you’re crazy.

If you do everything that you can to help your spouse, the person that you love, rid himself of the crushing drug and alcohol abuse that spins him into an abusive, rage-filled monster, you’re a nag.

And if you finally decide that enough is enough, you’ve had enough of the fear, enough of the pain, and you have to leave to save yourself, you’re a gold digger.

That is the message is that Mr. Depp is asking you to send. But he doesn’t stop there, because in Mr. Depp’s world, you don’t leave Mr. Depp. And if you do, he will start a campaign of global humiliation against you, a smear campaign that lasts to this very day.

He will do everything he can to destroy your life, to destroy your career. That is what they’re saying, ladies and gentlemen. And that’s what they’re trying to get you, the jury, to be an accomplice to. But it’s not surprising because Mr. Depp cannot and will not take responsibility for his own actions. It’s always someone else’s fault.”

Still trying to figure out what he was talking about? So, let’s dive in.

1. Messages, pictures, audio and video recordings. Many DV survivors are accused that any evidence which was recorded on the devices is fake, manipulated, or provoked. Very often, clients are asked why they took pictures or recorded conversations in the first place, with the underlying accusation that they were planning to trap a person or blackmail them. Many clients record conversations and take pictures to aid their memory and decide if they are going mad after being regularly gaslighted by an abuser, claiming that “nothing happened” or “statements were misunderstood”.

2. What friends and family knew. Many DV survivors do not tell anyone because they are afraid of being judged, people not believing them, or they still believe that they can rescue the relationship. Some clients were fearful of telling their loved ones because they were worried about their reactions, for example, family members insisting on them leaving the property or being aggressive with the violent partner. If the client proves that someone else knew about the abuse, the natural question is why the friends and family did not do anything to help or intervene.

3. Injuries. Many clients who went through the DV are also questioned about the validity of their injuries. Many times, the medical reports are undermined by questions about masochistic tendencies and the likelihood of rough sex. There is a very hurtful agreement that unless you are unconscious while admitted to the hospital, we cannot say for sure it was domestic abuse. Maybe they liked it rough.

4. But they were aggressive too. Many survivors of domestic violence are not believed because, in the process of protecting themselves or fighting back, they hurt or even killed the aggressor. One of my clients split the hand of the aggressive partner while fighting back an attack and was threatened that she would be reported as an abuser.

5. They were impossible to live with. Unless a domestic violence survivor is a saint, they cannot claim they did not provoke the abuser. All the mistakes or misunderstandings that would be discussed peacefully in a healthy relationship are scrutinised and magnified when dealing with domestic violence survivors.

6. They cannot be abusive because they are lovely. Often, the allegations are questioned because the abusers are, in general, friendly, approachable, or even charming people outside their close relationships, where they tend to be monsters.

Why do some people question the abuse or the character of a person who claimed they were abused? Well, that is a topic for another post. Would you like me to write about that? Please comment below.

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The power of breaks

Brakes are not just a pause in your working day. They are a source of rejuvenation. They separate us from unmotivated people, help us avoid feeling shuttered at the end of the day, and improve our productivity and creativity. Why are so many people against taking breaks and making them meaningful?

The productivity lie tells us that every minute of the day is precious and cannot be wasted.

If we have a break, we will drop the ball.

Then we can talk about how we take holidays and vacations. Only a few know how to rest correctly, completely, and with a sense of necessity.
When I was a small girl, I observed that my hardworking grandmother had spells of sitting on the bench under the tree or on the porch.
She would sit, stare into the space, and think. Then, she was done and ready for more work. She is 95 and doing great.
When was the last time you sat down and stared into space?
Breaks give your brain space to sharpen your attention and activate executive function.
The break is the opposite of work or entertainment. It is a total stop to everything, which might, in the long run, speed up your nervous system. If you work physically, the break should turn off your body but not your brain. When you do highly intellectual work, the break should switch off your brain and activate your body.
During the day, the break could be as simple as standing up from the computer, making coffee, patting a dog or cat, looking through the window, walking and listening to birds, or cycling to the shop and back.

The secret of a good break is to do the opposite of what has been done for the last hour.

I am also a strong advocate for power naps. Laying down for 20 minutes, allowing your brain to switch off but not go into a deep sleep, improves alertness and cognitive performance.
I also love the concept of a coffee nap. Drinking a black coffee and taking a 20-minute nap does not affect my short sleep. Because caffeine takes up to half an hour to have an alerting effect, your ability to fall asleep will not be affected by it. On the contrary, you will feel much more alert to the effects of caffeine when you wake up, empowering you to tackle the rest of your day.
The other thing about breaks is the art of having (un) orthodox breaks. Many exceptionally high-performing but very anxious clients cannot have a holiday without a tight plan of attractions—hiking, sightseeing, theme parks, and museums.
One of my clients (the client was asked if I could share his experience) wanted to improve his anxiety levels, and after a few sessions, he decided to go for what I call an orthodox holiday.
He rented an Airbnb in the most boring coastal English town and stayed there for a week. He slept for the first two days with nothing to do (he did not take his laptop). He reported only waking up for food and to go to the toilet. After that, he just started walking around without any direction or purpose, which he found at the beginning anxiety-provoking, but then his brain, as he said, switched off.

When he emerged from brain fog, he started to think about small activities he could be doing, like watching the sea or sketching seagulls. After the holidays, his stress dropped noticeably, and he discovered many dynamics at work that he was uncomfortable with.

Of course, he returned to being stressed and overwhelmed after a few weeks, but by then, he knew what he should be doing. The longer orthodox break gave him the opportunity for recalibration and motivation to look for a new job.
For free-of-charge consultation, call 07930826923
#breaks #ThePowerofBreaks #Rejuvenation #CreativityandProductivity #thepovoftherapist #therapysessions #anxietyandbreaks
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I call it basics

I was reluctant to write this entry for a long time because I doubted myself, thinking that maybe what I would like to say was too obvious.

There is a steady stream of clients who make the same omissions repeatedly –

so here we are.

Let’s talk about what I call “basics”.

This entry will discuss the importance of basic improvements that everyone can make to aid mental health and well-being.

There is an unspoken hypothesis that ill mental health comes from some unhealed childhood trauma, toxic relationships with parents, dysfunctional thinking patterns or genetic predispositions. That is true, but…

What about basics?

And I will not overcomplicate things or try to sell you supplements.

Throughout my six years of experience as a psychotherapist and twelve years of experience in the educational sector, I realised that many mental health struggles are dependent on basics. Surprisingly, I acknowledge that there are a few issues that are not connected to mental health but have an enormous impact on how we feel.

  1. Thyroid. It’s hard to accept that a butterfly-shaped gland controls how you feel. I had a fascinating conversation with my friend, who happens to be a psychiatrist. She said that almost all her clients who come for medication for depression or anxiety have underlying problems with thyroid. My advice is that if you feel depressed or anxious, ask your GP to check your TSH levels, which indicates that your thyroid works correctly.

2. Iron. There have been countless times when clients come to therapy with fatigue and a lack of motivation that they thought was depression. I always advise them to do blood tests to ensure their iron level is within range, and 8 out of 10 times, people complaining about lack of energy have iron deficiency.

3. Sleep. I learned from investment bankers how sleep can negatively influence your mental health. You cannot sleep 4 hours a day and be happy and calm. If you sleep less than 8 hours a day, you will experience all negative symptoms of ill mental health. People who do not sleep feel anxious and irritated because their brains do not have time to process emotions and remove toxic byproducts of brain metabolism.

4.      Screen time.

Screen time will pump your dopamine levels to the point of uncomfortable fullness. It is like eating a box of doughnuts. You are left satiated but unmotivated, numb, and feeling horrible heartburn. Clients who limit their screen time are motivated to do things because they look for dopamine and find it in healthier places. And yes, screen time influences depression.

5. Exercise. I blame influencers for complicating matters for regular humans and inconveniencing that is only possible with personal trainers and expensive equipment. Only some people will be CrossFit competitors, marine commandos, or bodybuilders. Everyone can access at least ten straightforward body exercises to feel better. You do not have to perform complicated exercise routines to feel better. What about walking, swimming, riding a bike, or simply stretching? No gym memberships, no strenuous classes—just the pleasure of movement.

6. Rotten food. Almost all Instagram and Ticktock influencers talk about gut health and how that influences mental health. What can I say? It is true, but slow-cooked food is as old as humanity. In my culture, things like sauerkraut, kefir, pickles, and sourdough were the basis of cuisine. Eat more rotten food, and you may feel better.

7. Slow down and connect. Sometimes, clients overstimulate their sympathetic nervous system to the point of crushing. They think, work, watch, interact, worry, plan, and overthink.

You cannot sleep and relax when you do not allow the parasympathetic nervous system to slow the body down. Everyone must slow to 65 heartbeats a minute for at least 30 minutes daily. Being on the go and speeding up your internal processes leads to burnout.

8. Cannabis. Any recreational drugs are harmful to you – but most of them do not pretend that they are not dangerous. Contrary to general opinion, weed is bad for you, causing depression, anxiety, problems with sleep and sometimes psychosis. The marihuana which was smoked in prehistoric times was a little puppy compared with what genetically bred dragon people tend to smoke today. And yes, you can get addicted to cannabis.

 

For free of charge consultation, call 07930826923

https://argentumcounselling.co.uk/

#thyroidanddepression #ironanddepression #canabisisbadforyou #mentalhealth #therapy #argentumcounselling #screentimeandmentalhalth #sleepandmentalhealth

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Feed your Soul

Carl Gustav Jung explained that when a person has a one-sided attitude, the unconscious often acts to balance life in the most disturbing ways. Suddenly, we become depressed and anxious, have strange dreams, lose motivation, and suffer from spurs of anger.

Hungry soul breads monsters. An unbalanced life causes mental health crises.

What is a one-sided attitude?

Imagine a person who works all day and spends much of the evening chasing money, status, and safety. This person ignores intrinsic needs, such as asking for a walk in a park, reading a good story, or spending time with a family.

On the other hand, imagine a person who lives only in a fantasy world, creating beautiful art but not concerned about money, politics, or the future. This person ignores the intrinsic needs for stability, good work, and predictable mealtimes.

The unconscious will emerge in both circumstances, trying to pull them more into the middle.

How do you prevent developing balance in your life? Feed your soul.

 

One: investigate your attitude. What is missing in your life? What takes the most time in your day? Your phone? Your work? Your daydreaming?

Two: listen to those small thoughts that you often dismiss. Maybe you wish to have a bath, read that silly book, go to the Zoo, listen to a podcast, do your taxes, clean your room, or tidy your cupboards.

Three: Do something opposite to what you usually do and see how you feel. For example, if you work all day, take a day for yourself. Whatever that means to you. Is it lying in bed and looking at the ceiling? Writing in your journal? Reading a book? Going for a walk?

If you do not work at all, write your CV, research how to perform well in interviews, and see if any free online courses can upskill you.

The surprising truth is that you know what is missing in your life and how to get there. I will not tell you what you should do; I can only give you a quick method to get there.

You are the captain of your soul.

You are the one who will cook the meal for your soul today—or starve it.

 

“The more compulsive the one-sidedness,

and the more untamed the libido which streams off to one side,

the more daemonic it becomes….” Carl Gustav Jung

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Can I have your attention please?

If you have been diagnosed with ADHD, you have a problem with attention. You might have issues with attention that affect your everyday life.

If you do, read on:)

But what is attention, and what aspects of attention might we select? If we have different aspects of attention, can we approach the deficit in a particular way that adjusts it to an individual?

We have four aspects of attention.

Selective aspect of attention, i.e. the ability to focus on one thing at a time.

Divided aspect of attention, i.e. the ability to do two things simultaneously.

Shifting aspect of attention, i.e. the ability to swap between different sources of stimulation.

Sustained aspect of attention, i.e. the ability to maintain concentration.

 

If we follow this logic, we can imagine a perfect person who can select the essential stimuli from the environment and concentrate on a few simultaneously, comfortably shifting the attention between them and sustaining the efforts for unlimited periods.

This kind of person does not exist. Most of us fail in one or more aspects of attention.

We cannot select the things we want or must concentrate on. For example, we do not see the details, miss lines when we read, and get distracted by random noises or flashes of lights. We can even be distracted by our internal physiological processes or thoughts—rumbling belly, ringing in the ears, clothes tag.

Some of us are unable to divide our attention between tasks. We cannot listen to someone and look at their facial expressions, cook and watch TV simultaneously, or shop and pay attention to children.

Others cannot easily shift attention. Have you ever read a great book that you were immersed in and interrupted by someone and found the enormous anger building as fast as the national debt? Have you ever started a task but never finished it because it is challenging to shift your attention back to it?

Finally, we are unable to sustain attention for respectable periods. For example, we start daydreaming when someone talks too long. We do not know what we just read or watched. And so on.

Which aspect of attention do you have an issue with, and how to improve it?

Please answer some questions to discover the characteristics of your inattention ( adapted from DSM-IV Checklist of Symptoms for Client).

To each question, you can answer: never, sometimes or often.

In the past six months:

  1. Did you fail to pay attention to details or make careless mistakes in studying, work or other activities?
  2. Had difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or leisure activities?
  3. Have you not seemed to listen when spoken to directly?
  4. Did not follow instructions and finish studies, chores or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behaviour or failure to understand instructions?)
  5. Had difficulty organising tasks and activities?
  6. Did you avoid, dislike, or be reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (e.g., studying, homework, leisure activities)?
  7. Have you lost things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g. pens, books, tools, study papers)?
  8. Were you easily distracted by outside events and stimuli?
  9. Were you forgetful in daily activities?
  10. Have you fidgeted with your hands or feet or squirmed in the seat?
  11. Have you left your seat in situations where remaining seated is expected (e.g. in classes, church, movies)?
  12. Have you experienced feelings of restlessness, especially in situations where it is inappropriate?
  13. Have you had difficulty engaging in leisure tasks quietly?
  14. Have you blurted out answers before questions have been completed?
  15. Have you had difficulty waiting your turn?

 

What areas of attention do you have the most deficits in?

For free consultation, please call: 07930826923

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ADHD, ASD Diagnosis – an emotional journey

If you are thinking about seeking a diagnosis or have already received one and you are experiencing a complex set of feelings, read on.

Equally, knowing what your dear one is going through might help manage your relationship if you are a partner or a friend of someone in this situation.

Being diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or dyslexia in adulthood begins the process of acceptance that might be compared to the feelings we have when we grieve the death of someone close.

According to Susan Young, a therapist who designs programs helping people with ADHD, this process can be described in six stages:

initial relief and elation, confusion and emotional turmoil, anger, sadness and grief, and eventually accommodation and acceptance.

 

Initial relief and elation.

Most neurodivergent people admit persistent feelings of “not fitting in” throughout their lives. They usually describe it as being on the outside. They also feel like they have to do more work than others or that they cannot understand why the things that are so easy for their peers are impossible for them.

At some point, they start to blame themselves for their limitations without visible reasons. They become convinced that they are lazy, dumb, and odd.

Getting a diagnosis, especially at the beginning, removes the stigma of being weird, sick, or complicated. A person who receives a diagnosis finds that the odd things they do are typical for a specific condition. Moreover, many more people struggle similarly, and many books, podcasts, apps, and professionals are willing to help manage the condition. They are convinced they can change and live a better life.

 

Confusion and emotional turmoil.

After some time, a person who received a diagnosis starts to ask uncomfortable questions.

The whole structure of identity is scrutinised and analysed. People might ponder how much of their identity is due to their condition. The realisation sinks in that they have been masking throughout their lives. Now, when they are allowed to be “themselves”, who are they supposed to be?

Often, diagnosis is being questioned. Maybe the person who did the assessment made a mistake, and they are just quirky, artistic, or energetic. If they accept the diagnosis, they might be unsure how to deal with the condition. Do they need medication, therapy, or coaching? Should they tell their employer about the diagnosis? Will that change people’s approach towards them? Will they be able to enter into a successful relationship in the future? Will prospective partners be discouraged by the existence of the diagnosis?

 

Anger.

Anger appears when a diagnosed person thinks about all the times parents, teachers, doctors, and partners let them down. Why did no one notice? Why did they not act earlier? Why did they not pay attention? If they did, the past might have been different. Interventions might have been implemented, and better academic levels would have been achieved. Fewer issues with social interaction would lead to a fuller personal life. Some romantic relationships would be saved. Maybe a person would earn more, have no criminal convictions and have a stable family life.

Defenelty person was let down, and as a result, they did not reach their full potential. Now, it might be too late.

 

Sadness and grief.

It is impossible to change the past. The present might be discouraging. Suddenly, a person loses motivation and interest. They do not want to try treatments or apps, read books, or talk about their diagnosis. Dealing with everyday life is unbearable. There might be an adverse reaction to medication. Introduced strategies do not work. The person loses momentum. The realisation settles in that there will always be differences; there are some things you cannot change, and you have to face your limitations. Facing limitations hurts.

 

Accommodation and acceptance.

The person accepts the diagnosis and all its limitations. They develop realistic expectations regarding interventions and therapy. The person works with the challenges and celebrates limitations. The person let go of what could have been.

People who have been diagnosed or are seeking a diagnosis need support and an emphatic understanding of each stage of the acceptance process. Before introducing interventions, it is advisable to process feelings and express thoughts. Often, diagnosis is just the beginning of the journey.

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How to start a task | guide for person with ADHD.

 

This entry is not about developing and maintaining habits. It will give you some ideas if you need help with executive function, especially starting tasks, switching, stopping, and starting again. My ADHD clients tested many methods, and the most effective seem to be the ones mentioned.

1.      Control environment: when you have ADHD, your environment is the source of distractions. Control your environment. If you work from home, the room should be the plainest, the calmest area in the house. If you work from the office, try to work away from your colleagues, ask to switch desks, and use the conference rooms or spare rooms. Book rooms that you might have access to. There is a divided opinion about working next to the window. Some clients find it relaxing, and others find it too distracting.

2.      Gain overlook: Consider everything you need to do before starting a task. This is like seeing the task from a bird’ s-eye view. If you have ADHD, you like to know where to start and what to do next. You probably feel overwhelmed because you do not know what to do next. The overview should also be in the visual form of a spider diagram or mind map since you will probably add to it while working.

3.      Divide the task into small parts. This is ultimately connected with overseeing things. You can divide the tasks into smaller parts when you know what to do. If you still feel anxious about the task, divide until the subtask is no longer scary.

For example, writing an essay might be divided into brainstorming the topic, literature review, planning parts of the essay and writing. Brainstorming might be divided into finding alternative answers to the essay question. Finding alternative ideas might be divided into finding the pros and cons of the answer.

4. Plan. Plan the execution of subtasks into a weekly schedule.

We can say many things about planning, but the most important thing is to be realistic. No, you cannot work three hours straight or concentrate indefinitely on tedious tasks. You must switch tasks, eat, exercise, meet friends, and sleep.

Every subtask you decide on has to be written into the plan. Plans work best if they are in visual form in your working area but not in front of you. The whiteboards placed behind your chair would work wonders.

5. Delegate: The tasks you cannot delegate to someone else. If you know you must write ten thousand words or develop a marketing strategy, and you cannot clean your flat, delegate it to someone else.

6.   Take breaks: Take breaks at regular intervals. The break should be disconnected from your work area and the topic you work on. During breaks, you need to move, go out, and leave your working area, office, or home. Do not trip yourself by going on Instagram, Ticktock or websites about Roman Imperium. You can go for a walk.

7. Keep visual contact with deadlines: the Post-it method. Deadlines not imposed by outside authorities will not work. On the other hand, understanding time might trip your efforts. You need a visual representation of the time you have. So, for example, on the wall somewhere in your room, you can stick Post-its. Green for every day you have left, yellow for the available hours. Take the Post-its off the wall daily to represent the time passing.

8. Count yourself in.

5-4-3-2-1 method. Thanks to @MelRobbins, we have a perfect tool for activating your prefrontal cortex. You can count yourself down in your head to start actual work: “I will begin writing in 5-4-3-2-1”. Of course, you can give yourself a longer countdown.

9. Expect failure and be prepared to regroup.

Yes, you will fail to stick to your plan, but it is good to have a detailed plan to return to and put into a weekly schedule again. It is not your fault; it is how your brain works. Dust yourself, regroup, plan again, and keep going. You can do it!